When it comes to adultery, it is seldom a simple affair – pun intended. The truth is that cheaters rarely get caught “red-handed creeping on the girl next door” because most of them, Shaggy excluded, are pretty good at covering their tracks.
According to Yvonne Filler, who runs The Affair Clinic in London, there are five hidden signs to look out for - and they might surprise you.
If you’ve noticed your partner doing two or more of the below, it could be cause for concern, Filler told.
They become more interested in sex:
The stereotypical philanderer will show less interest in you on an intimate level. However, in reality, the opposite is true, explains Filler.
“We find that quite a lot of our clients become overly affectionate with their partners when they are playing away,” she said.
The specialist counsellor explained that this is typically due to a combination of guilt and a renewed sex drive, catalysed by their frisky “bit on the side”, so to speak.
They stop using shared digital devices:
One might expect a sexual deviant to spend hours using technology as a means of communicating with their paramour, maybe they even have a second secret phone.
“Technology has without doubt made affairs easier,” says Filler. However, she insists it has also made it that much harder to keep them hidden.
“It’s much easier to track a partners’ movements and photos are easily shared,” she added.
“We have seen too many examples where technology has played a part in the discovery of an affair.
"In recent cases, partners have become suspicious when the SatNav history didn’t correlate with where their partner said they have been or when the iCloud 'share on all devices' was suddenly switched off."
Other tech warning signs that Filler has seen in adulterers first-hand include: using shared devices far less, reducing social media activity and exercising at odd hours of the day, as spotted on a partner’s FitBit.
They are chattier than usual:
While you might suspect a cheating partner will want to engage less with you, Filler explains that it is quite the opposite.
“They become overly interested in you,” she said.
“They want to know everything you’ve been doing in great depth. The more you talk the less they have to. The less they talk the less chance they’ll slip up.”
Keeping up appearances via the art of conversation allows adulterers to keep “one foot in the marriage camp” by feigning an interest in their partner’s lives, she said.
“They may also talk about a hobby or subject they’ve never shown any interest in before.
“For example, they may have developed a sudden interest in the political elements of the news or a sport they’ve never liked.”
They do things outside of their usual daily routine:
Ambivalent “business trips” and “late nights at the office” might seem like obvious red flags, but given the flexible nature of most people’s work schedules today, such clichéd warning signs are less of a giveaway.
“The way we work and where we work has changed a great deal over the last 10 years. We don’t work from the same office and desk each day,” explains Filler.
Therefore, changes in routine are harder to spot, she adds.
“One of our clients this year became suspicious when her husband became unnaturally interested in doing the school run, something he’d made excuses not to do for years.
“Add this to his desire to work at home more (especially when she was out for the day) and she wasn’t surprised when she found out he was having an affair with another mum from school.”
They refrain from committing financially to long-term plans:
When a person is having an affair, it can be all to easy to fancy yourself as the next Agatha Christie and start delving into the murky depths of their finances.
But don’t just look for unexplained receipts for expensive restaurant meals and gifts, explains Filler.
“Many of our clients have separate accounts and sometimes don’t know exactly how much is in each but suddenly find there is generally just less left at the end of each month,” she said.
“A couple we’ve been seeing for a few months explained the affair was suspected when the man kept making excuses not to discuss future plans.
“His wife found he wouldn’t commit to the big things like the loft conversion but also wouldn’t pay up front for holidays.”
Source: The Independent